In Pursuit of Fashion
How Deadly is Your Clothing Life?! Count up the points to find out!
What is your favorite color?
- Bright arsenic green (5 pts)
- Pure swansdown white lead (5 pts)
- The black of kohl eyeliner (2 pts)
- Beige. Safe, boring beige. (0 pts)
Let’s take a look in your closet. Can you see any of these?
- Giveaway commemorative T-shirts. Did you know those are made cheaply by unprotected workers? (5 points)
- Pre-owned leather clothing. You saved yourself $$$ and, too, spared the environment the damage associated with extensive rearing of livestock. (0 pts)
- Garments made from organic cotton. Congratulations on boycotting the harmful manufacturing process for the non-organic kind! (0 points)
- Quality pieces neatly darned, mended or repurposed. The planet thanks you, and you your score actually went down!! (-5 pts)
Give yourself 5 points for each one of these objects you own:
- At-home tattoo kit for convenient, unsanitary inking.
- Platform shoes so high your beehive hairdo brushes the ceiling tiles.
- “Tho-Radia” radium infused makeup, for that youthful glow.
- Dr. Who Scarf: a Time Lord choking hazard.
How do you look so young?
- Belladonna eyedrops for perfect pupil dilation. (5 pts)
- My Vatermorder, a detachable collar that keeps my neck tall and stiff (5 pts)
- My hourglass figure, provided by the tightest of steel-boned corsets (5 pts)
- Healthy eating, exercise, enough sleep and moisturizing. (A safe, boring 0 pts)
What is your occupation?
- 19 th century Hatmaker. I only use the finest mercury, even though I have gone mad! (5 pts)
b. Artificial flower maker. I only use the best arsenic for the brightest greens, even though I have anemia and terrible headaches! (5 pts)
c. Queen Elizabeth I impersonator. I only use the most authentic white lead face makeup, even though I have lost my hair! (5 pts)
d. Hoop skirt model. I only show the widest of skirts, even though I haven’t seen my feet in 3 years! (3 pts)
The results
If your score is:
40+ pts – You are obviously the most stylish person in the room. Please consult a doctor immediately.
30-39 pts – You are quite the fashion plate! Wash your face and take a nap.
15-29 pts – You aren’t the best dressed at the party, but at least you might survive.
1-14 pts – Fashion isn’t really your thing, but neither is being poisoned.
0 pts – You lead a life of nice safe cardigans and sensible shoes.